The surest way to a broken heart is to try to gain the approval of others, to try to please everybody, to try to make everyone like you. This is a fallacy, it is impossible. Reality check: everybody is not going to like, everybody is not going to agree with you, and you will not see eye to eye with everyone you meet...DEAL WITH IT! Are you so needy and clingy that you everybody must think well of you before you can feel good about yourself? That is a terrible way to live. It is just plain insane. It is just as insane for you to believe that you can live your life in such a way that no one will talk about you, good or bad. I learned early in life that there are three days when people will talk about you... The day you're born The day you die, and... Every day in between To think you can make people stop talking about you or criticizing you, is as much a fallacy as it is a fantasy. The real question is this: why does their opinion matter so much to you? Why do you allow others to hold so much power over your self image? "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner." - Lao Tzu It is often said that when you forgive others, you open prison doors, only to discover the one imprisoned was you. I believe the same is true when you release yourself from dependency on others to build your self-image. You soon realize you were the one in bondage to their opinions. What's more, when you create your own self-worth, you discover you were holding yourself hostage, demanding that someone else pay the ransom to set you free, when the purse strings were in your hand all along. So do yourself a favor. Get off at Heartbreak Highway's next exit. Stop depending on others, take responsibility instead for building your own self-esteem. Put together your own winning self-image. Don't leave in the hands of others the ability to create a life of your own accord that lines up best with your goals and dreams. Don't be afraid or dismayed by what others say or think about you. No matter what good you do, or how much you try your best to make a positive impact for others, someone will seek fault in you. Take the high road, go your own way, and fail to see how their disapproval of you should ever become your problem. Let not your heart be troubled, but let it instead be healed... And as your heart heals, be blessed not stressed...
"...For I consider the sufferings of this present time (this present life) are not worth being compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us and for us and conferred on us." - Romans 8:18 AMP "Even in defeat, the seeds of future greatness can be sown." - Phil Rizzuto It is said that everybody loves a winner. It sure does seem that way, what with all the large crowds that gather to celebrate whenever a team wins a championship. It's wall to wall adulation and adoration, hero worship to the nth degree. There is no disputing the notion that winning is popular. Everybody wants to be a winner, or at least to be seen with one, hoping that the magic formula of the champion, or their "pixie dust," will somehow rub off on them, so they can experience that winning feeling, too. Many people believe the path to victory is some sort of gleaming Yellow Brick Road where everything comes up roses, successful people have the Midas Touch (everything they do turns to gold), where there are never any problems, because by all appearances winners seem to live on Easy Street every second of every day of their lives. The truth of the matter, however, tells quite a different story. If you have ever attended a sporting event, a concert, a movie or a live theater performance, you were awed by the precision and skill of the athletes or performers. The level of excellence with which they apply their skills seems so high as to be almost otherworldly, from a realm far above our own. You may have heard someone say of them, or you may have said yourself, "They make what they do look so easy." What we often don't realize when we see them perform is that a finished product stands before us, but not the process which helped them reach such a high level. We think they look confident and fearless; they probably do. But we don't see the moments of fear and self-doubt they conquered along the way. Yes, they have well wishers, fans by the thousands, maybe even the millions, but we don't know how many times they had to overcome countless rejections, along with the nagging sense of dread which threatened to creep into their hearts and minds, the dread which tried to convince them that they were wasting their time, this would never work, no one would ever recognize, accept, or even appreciate their unique talents and gifts. Add to that all the critics, doubters, and naysayers who relentlessly predicted failure for them of the "crash and burn" variety, many of whom were people close to them, perhaps people they loved and respected from childhood, people they counted on for support who repeatedly let them down...and maybe you begin to get a fraction of a sense of the hard work they had to do as they overcame obstacles, inwardly and outwardly, to achieve their goals, and to become the finished product which you have been privileged to witness. Maybe you can comprehend in some small way the process which led to the awe-inspiring finished product you were able to see. From such examples we can learn an important lesson: the pain of your setbacks does not have to stop you, unless you allow it. Pain is the price you pay for moving up to your next level of greatness. If you can overcome this pain, you will find it is neither perpetual, nor permanent. It doesn't matter what kind of setback you've endured, whether a defeat in athletics, a failed grade or course in school, a business reversal, a job loss, a rejection of a proposal or idea, even a failed relationship or marriage...instead of letting the pain of that defeat leave you dejected, in despair, even heartbroken, the ache of that failure can be the fuel in the rocket that launches you to your next success, your biggest breakthrough. "Every strike brings me closer to the next home run." - Babe Ruth It is said to be true in many fields, but especially in sports, that the fuel which often ignites a team to rise to become champions is the painful memory of falling short of that goal the year before. The road to the title begins in the wake of defeat, when they pick up the pieces of their shattered dream. Instead of giving up, they geared up, girded up, got up, and got going. The going got tough and they did, too.
Take heart, and be of good courage. Your setback is not the end, Jack. Instead of letting that rejection or shortfall be the death knell that signals a dead end, the anchor that drags your dreams down to the depths where none hope to return, use that pain as power to propel you forward, to launch you in the direction of your dream, rather than pull you back. Resist that rejection, persist in your efforts, and don't be surprised to learn, the day you stand in the winner's circle, clutching your prize, that the accomplishment you once thought out of reach will have the sweetest taste because of the path you traveled to achieve it. When beating that pain becomes your prize, Your life most assuredly will arise...
To the healing of your heart... Read and be blessed, not stressed... Bye for now!
"Let me tell you something you already know..." - Rocky Balboa WORTH: usefulness or importance If you're heart has been broken, chances are good that at some point in your life you let somebody convince you that you're not worth much, and that your life has little value, if any at all. If you want things to change, it's time to turn that thinking around. Stop giving away to others the power to determine the value of your life. You want to know what you're worth? Dare to find out for yourself, then take a bigger step: dare to express your worth, knowing that others will be standing close by, doing their best to knock you down a peg or two for the sake of getting you to settle for less...just like they did. Dare to stand tall against all the slings, all the arrows, and all the bricks of doubt and criticism they throw at you, safe in the knowledge that no one else has the power to decide for you what your value in life is to be, what your purpose in life is, that purpose which has been given to you alone to express. That power has been given to you, and you alone. "Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great." - Mark Twain If you really want your broken heart to heal, it's time you decided to start being YOU again. Stop letting people talk you into believing you are the way they see you, that you're a nobody unless you agree with the meager value they have placed upon your existence. People may abandon you in your quest for significance as you seek to establish your worth...GOOD. Let 'em leave. They weren't much help to you anyway, doing their best to keep you down, hold you back at every turn. In fact, let's up the ante a bit: instead of waiting for them to abandon you, walk away from them first. Don't give them the chance to break your heart any more than they already have. Kick 'em to the curb. Reject the rejection, doubt the doubts, and vote Nay to all the naysayers. Drop the dead weight that plagues your life. Check all the baggage (i.e. drama) at the counter. Empty the trash from your heart that has been weighing you down, in some cases for many years. Break the mold in which others have tried to cast you, and forge your own identity. Do this and you'll not only have established your own value, but you will have regained a measure of your identity, your integrity, your dignity and self-respect. Don't worry that you'll be alone for the rest of your life when you ditch the losers, because as you empty your heart of all the trash, you make room for more treasure; the people who are meant to be part of your life's journey, the ones who will stand by your side and help you to stand tall, just as you in turn help them to do the same. If indeed it is true that you don't attract who you want but rather who you are, then it is best for you not to wait for others to like or approve of you before you allow yourself to be seen as worthy of respect, as being valuable to others. Start liking yourself first. Give yourself approval to be yourself, just as you are. You'll be surprised to learn that as you do, others will follow suit. Once you allow this to happen in your life, your heart will heal to such an extent that you may forget it ever hurt. It's time to stop being them, and start being YOU. This world needs more people like you, just as you are, right here, right now, and less people like them: bitter, cynical, victims of circumstance, usually by their own design rather than that determined by others. Let the rest of the world play it safe, let the rest sell themselves short, let others downsize their value in life...but not you. Dare to determine your value, seek to establish your worth, launch out to find the station in life that shows others the uniqueness of the wonder called Y-O-U.
The journey without...begins within. Find out who you are, dare to open your heart, and let the real you flow from the inside out, just like a river.
Maybe it starts as a trickle, a small stream, a babbling brook. Does not matter. As long as it's you, it's true. Don't try to be good enough for others, be good enough for you. Don't worry about where the path leads, just be willing to take the first step, then the next, then the next, and let it unfold before your eyes.
Take the first step. Dare to determine your own worth, your own value. Do it for you, not for them. Should you ever second guess yourself, or wonder if you're just wasting your time, remember that you are just as wonderful, and just as valuable, as anyone else on this planet: "For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well." - Psalm 139: 13,14 NKJV To your health...to your heart... Until next time, Be blessed, not stressed... Bye now!
